How to win friends and influence people-the Hearn way

The first wave of discomfort spread across the hall of London's Landmark Hotel during the Master Innholders conference, when Grant Hearn glibly suggested that the audience members memorise the number 08457 909090, as "they would be needing it a lot that year"- only to reveal it was the number for the Samaritans.

The room, packed to the rafters with general managers, laughed uncomfortably but shrugged it off as an upstart's attempt to lighten the decidedly blackened mood.

But when the Travelodge boss launched into a tirade on the "mushy middle" sector of the hotel market, joyfully adding that a structural change was coming bringing an increase in polarisation between luxury and budget end hotels, the disgruntled mutterings increased.

However, the sound of bums shifting on conference seats really became audible when Hearn unashamedly announced that he was "more of a retailer than a hotelier" and that he was relishing the opportunity to swoop in on the "many businesses in the room about to go under."

Not exactly the way to energise and motivate a room full of nervous general managers.

Thanks to his efforts, Kitchen Rat imagines Hearn's ears were burning last night, as his name was slaked across the coals at each of the tables during the evening dinner reception...

Would you like your knife back, Mr Hearn?